How many times a week do you keep a thought to yourself at work, even if it could be insightful or helpful to your team? How many times a day? Women do this all the time.

Is this due to our nature? Societal expectations? In the end, it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is learning to overcome this and start speaking up for ourselves. Here’s how I did it.

“You never told me you wanted a promotion.”

I started working at HP the same time as Bill. We were both hired to do the same job. We shared solutions we found to complex problems, exchanged tips and tricks, and enjoyed an excellent working relationship.

One day about a year after starting there, we were leaving work when I told Bill I’d see him the next day at the office. He said he wouldn’t be there since he got a promotion and had to report to a training class for his new role immediately.

I should have been happy for him, but I was not even able to muster a lukewarm congratulations. Instead I was frustrated I was passed over. I marched straight into our manager’s office to ask him why he promoted BIll and not me, and why he never even told me about the opening on our team.

“It’s simple,” our manager said to me, “Bill told me he wanted to be promoted and you never did.”

This was a blow to me, and I went home that night mad at Bill, mad at my manager, and mostly mad at myself.

I grew up being taught and believing that hard work paid off. Throughout school and all the way through college, I did the all work assigned and moved to the next grade level. I assumed the same system worked in business, but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

In school, your work hard, meet the requirements, and move to the next level. In business, you still  need to work hard but you also need to let people know what your goals, desires, and intentions are.

I had taken it for granted our manager knew I wanted a promotion; after all, doesn’t everyone want to be promoted? By assuming that my manager could read my mind I had done myself a major disservice.

So, the next day I asked my manager for a meeting and told him that I was interested in the next promotional opportunity on the team. I also congratulated Bill.

I tell this story often, and am always approached afterwards by women who have had this exact experience. But, this is definitely a case where being in good company doesn’t feel good.

Don’t assume anyone knows what you’re thinking

Jenny Ming, CEO of Charlotte Russe, was in the same boat earlier in her career. “ I was doing very well as a buyer, but someone got a promotion over me. I was really surprised because I was never asked if I was interested in the job. When I approached my manager about it, he said, ‘I didn’t know you were so ambitious.’ I had three young children at the time, and he said, ‘You have kids.’ I said, ‘You can’t assume that just because I have kids that I don’t want to move up in my career.’”

She puts her takeaways this way: “What I learned is that you can’t assume that people know what you’re thinking or what you want in your career. You have to speak up.” She applies that concept  to her leadership style of making it a point to get to know her employee’s goals and timelines.

This is the case in other aspects of work, too. Are you interested in getting more involved in the business? There are often special projects, “Tiger Teams,” task forces, crisis responses, or new product launches.

Do you see a gap in one of your company’s processes that you could fill? Management is always interested in hearing how customers can be better served, how productivity can be improved, how your company can be more competitive, or how the team can sell more.

Let your manager know what you’re interested in and what you can offer. Get her or his point of view since they may have broader insight into company priorities. Discuss how your suggestion fits into the overall organizational strategy.

If it’s a positive conversation, ask for your manager’s support.  

These special projects and brand new jobs are typically a lot of extra work, but the rewards are also usually high. You polish new skills, meet new people, and are a part of putting your thumbprint on an important part of the business. You get visibility as someone who is interested in the broader business, not just your assignment.

Taking the initiative to launch a new project, create a new job, or join a special team can also be the difference between looking at your job as a grind, or viewing it as an environment where you can grow intellectually and personally.

I was able to do this a few times in my career. The first was when I felt ready to take on more responsibility after being in Sales for a few years. I wanted to make a bigger impact on our business. One idea was to share ideas and best practices across our regional teams so that we could rapidly replicate ideas that were generating the most revenue. I worked with our regional leader to create a pilot role as a Business Manager. This eventually was rolled out to all regions, and became a standard position.

Another time I was on the strategy team for rolling out a new partner program at HP. We had a cross functional team that included people with complementary skills. Together we created the framework and policies for the program, which still stand today.

Again, it all starts by letting your managers, your mentors, and others know that you are interested in making a bigger difference in your organization. Don’t wait for them to guess if you’re ready for a more challenging assignment, or guess what you’re interested in. You have to speak up for yourself!

Reminder: You can’t read other people’s minds, either

A corollary to this is to also be aware of your own attempts at mind reading, guessing, or making assumptions.

When I was given my first project working for a new manager, I was so anxious to make an impact that I barely let him finish handing me the assignment before I hurried back to my desk to get started. Then I sat there for the next several hours trying to remember exactly what he said. I realized I was not one hundred percent clear on the purpose, or on all of the details.

We were supposed to evaluate a new business model. But exactly how would we measure success? What resources did we have available to us. What were we supposed to sell? Who would sell it? I couldn’t possibly go back to him so soon with questions so I started filling in the blanks with assumptions.

After working on what I thought he wanted for a few days, I set up a meeting to review my progress. Needless to say, I completely missed the mark in many areas. He was patient, but I was embarrassed I was not able to deliver to my (or his) standards.

From then on, I asked questions until I felt that I fully understood the task at hand: the objectives, the stakeholders, the resources, the time-frame, and the format of the final product. And I was not shy about going back to ask for more clarification whenever I needed to. This took way more time up front but saved oh-so-many hours after the initial session and made for an infinitely better result.

Developing your communication muscles will also benefit you in your personal life. If you need or want something, let your spouse, partner, parent, child, neighbor, or friend know. Do not hope they guess the “right” answer and then feel disappointed when they don’t; and don’t jump to conclusions prematurely.

Healthy and productive relationships depend on honest interactions, so practicing being a more straightforward and direct communicator pays off in all aspects of your life.